1. Let yourself take it all in. First it's a shock no matter if you decided to end the relationship or the other party did. Let yourself be in the natural state at the moment you need to be in. (Just make sure you don't cause any physical harm to yourself, someone else or anything in general and don't do anything that will get you locked up for that matter. Call and talk to someone you trust or a help hotline if you think you may want to do any hurtful harm). Know that anger is a natural emotion the way you release it should be healthy and not harmful. If you need to scream then scream if you need to cry then cry just let your body take what emotion it is you're feeling and let it out. The best place is usually where no one is around (scream and cry in your car or into a pillow) just so you don't have to feel awkward or even catch a crazy label later on as sometimes we forget others may be around. Remember this is your emotion so sometimes dealing with it on your own is the best. I also suggest going for a run, doing exercise or my absolute favorite is taking a Yoga class as thismfor me has been the best release. Take a day or two if you can and be sad but make sure you only give yourself that time it really sulk maybe the same day or a week later but at some point you're going to need to let reality kick in and be sad. Cry it out and binge watch The Break Up with Jen Aniston and old episodes of Sex in the City in your PJs, eat pizza and Ice cream. Invite your super fun uplifting friends over to join (the ones that let you cry it out but don't let you stay in the same state of sadness for too long and remind you how awesome you are). Know you have to go through it to get over it.
2. Figure out what you want and take steps to get there. The focus shouldn't be on getting back at anyone, or getting someone else. Let the focus be on you and what you want. Remember those goals you had that sometimes get forgotten in a relationship. Yeah, the ones you forgot about when you felt you could conquer the world. Well guess whatttt....You're still the same person that can conquer the world and can still do all those things you just didn't have time for. Maybe you wanted to volunteer at a local animal shelter, or learn how to cook, maybe visit family members more often or even take a trip somewhere fun or exotic. It could be to go back to school, get better grades, start a business or even work towards a promotion at work. These are all things that sometimes we forget while focusing on a relationship. Now that you have more free time learn something new, read a new book, take up a new hobby. All these things will release an excitement inside of you and you won't be focused on the hurt or pain as much and see that there's more out there for you. Trust me you got this dear heart. As I feel the most rewarding feeling is when I'm able to help others in any way I can from giving back to even just a smile and a sincere hello it all goes a long way and fills the heart. Try it just go and see how many people you can make smile you come across. Your heart will get so full.
3. Be honest...Never be bitter. If there's anything that's going to help you heal and grow its being honest with the situation at hand. Sometimes we forget that there's a reason there's a break up that happened. Rather it be for reasons you do or don't understand do your best to be honest with yourself and the other parting party. This isn't to hurt anyone as the last thing you want to do or have done is add insult to injury. Most times there's always a casualty at hand it maybe one or both people involved. Do what you can to alleviate as much unnecessary hurt as possible. This means not pointing the finger or blame at anyone but looking to see the problem. Maybe one person just wasn't ready to be in a relationship as that doesn't make the person bad or wrong it just means they weren't ready for whatever reason. This can come from not being treated right, from someone not being loyal, to being selfish, abusive in anyway, not willing to compromise or not even willing to commit fully. At any point all of these really fall under someone just not being ready. As when someone is ready these are not major problems in a relationship a person with a whole healthy heart respects all other hearts. The last thing you want to do is try to make or force someone into something they are not ready for. This leaves more room for more brokenness and greater heartache. The best thing to do is always "Bow out gracefully" as the real issue isn't between the three of you it's an individual thing. If you or the other person just isn't ready to be in a fully committed relationship that takes work and acknowledgement that there are good and bad days at hand, it's ok there's someone for you that is ready. For whatever reason the person that's not ready just needs time to be ready or may not ever be ready. This isn't your problem as you want someone whole and ready as you also are whole and ready for what it takes to be in a relationship you and you're heart are worth more and deserve more. Let yourself just be, as what will be will be. Maybe you agree or disagree with the outcome of the relationship and the actions but let it go as the other person is no longer in the relationship focus on you not them. Don't sit and wait for them or try to convince them. Be true to yourself and work on being a better you. Enjoy your life and breathe in every blessed moment dear heart. Love yourself again and better then you had. Heal yourself and don't be bitter for whatever reason it was that the relationship ended. It's a lesson learned, a life that taught you about true matters of the heart, how to have more compassion and how to feel greater and deeper. Be grateful for the person for all the good times and the fact the bad times are over. Take whatever heart you still have left slap a band-aid on it and let the wound heal. As it will heal you just have to let it because if you found love once you can find it again even greater the next go round you just have to let the wounds heal without picking the scab or even closing yourself off to the possibilities of greater love.
4. Give yourself space to breathe alone. In the early weeks the days may be rougher and off and on with good days and bad. As the time goes by each span of good days gets longer and bad days get shorter. Some days you have to keep silent as the subject is just to raw for the heart other days you just have to get it out and talk about what's going on. For me there were times I would say to people "I'm still hurt I don't want to talk about it right now" or "I'm just hurting at the moment so please give me time." I think most time we don't notice what was really going on until we get out of a relationship. We tend to think things were better/or worse then what they really were until we have space to reflect. Most times this reflection comes after the first few weeks as we really have the time to evaluate everything. I know for me a few times it was worse then I thought it was and didn't realize until I had time to look at everything and say "Wow this really isn't the type of relationship I want." It may not be from the other person but from yourself. I have thought "I don't want to be this person" or "this isn't behavior I am proud of" or even "I don't like how I'm being treated." Whatever it is the process of self reflection and growth sometimes is worth the break-up alone. However I can be a bit a self-help book junkie and I love me some self reflection and spiritual growth or as my dearest Oprah calls it "Ahhh Haaa Moments" This is the time that in this space, the time you have alone you begin to breathe again. Meditate dear heart. MEDITATE (sit with the silence and listen to the soul awaken)
5. Move On! Now hear comes the fun part. Look at your progress. Out of this entire journey you found the greatest gift, you found yourself again. Full of life breathing out daily graces of GODs loving mercy. Rise with a grateful heart each morning as each joyful day brings forth life's little gifts. We receive them throughout the day all day (did you see that smile a stranger graced upon you, those flowers you walked by with such lovely fragrance or those warm fuzzy socks you put on when you get home to get cozy) these are all daily treasures that embark upon us and lift our spirits. Be grateful to the GOD of the heavens as without these things life would be less sweet. You're spirit is full as you enjoy life's treasures and have found peace outside of a broken heart. Look back at where you were months ago and now you have new hobbies, a new out look, a different life full of wonder surrounded by immaculate love to be shared with someone when the timing is right. Don't look for it as it will find you. Love has a funny way of always showing up.
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